It looks like the promoters are finally taking their annual conference of sin out of the lonely pervert corner.
And since spreading this dirty gospel (aka my blog right here) costs money, I decide to go hunting for sponsors at Venus.
Surely, with the new branding, there will be tons of sisters, brothers, and other sibling types to team up with, and we’ll support each other with this new sex-positivity thing!
My visit to Venus in 2023
The first stand I check out offers a VR sex experience (
link with explicit content), and as soon as I put the device on, I am fucking a woman so close up that I want to apologize for molesting her. Damn, this shit looks real!
I’ve tested something similar before, but it was more of a gaming thing. Last time I had to hold the two hand controllers to my hip and thrust back and forth awkwardly. Felt more like keeping a hula hoop afloat. Not the sexiest experience, but an open mind is eager to swallow.
* I will use your email address for lots of naughty things, but always stay respectful. I promise!
This right here is different. She feels so close and real that I blush. And she really enjoys my imaginary dick. Amazing. Only that I feel a bit too exposed in the middle of the sex fair with this naked lady, which, of course, is not even happening.
I keep strolling and pass by the trade show booths of the big porn and cam sites. Whoever does a show at the moment is surrounded by men with stalker glasses who look native in this world of staged sin.
You can hear the crowd gasping whenever one of the protagonists shoves something down her peephole. Today, it really is a peephole, and her arousal is so fake that, at this point, a chess tournament would be more sexy. To me, that is. At least one third of the crowd looks like this is the highlight of the decade.
Venus‘ offer for the ladies
Finally, I find the stage for the female audience, which is tiny and at the veeery back of the second floor. The show is entirely (six) packed, and the feminist in me feels betrayed that this act is so hidden and overcrowded. Why couldn’t the girls get a proper stage at Berlin’s infamous sex fair somewhere in the middle? It’s fucking 2023!
To get to our teeny-weeny stage behind a curtain, you have to pass another one that is so big, you could literally do naked cartwheels on it. I’m baffled like a Karen, that they chose to showcase the anal examination of a micro-penised man instead of giving the big stage to ‘us’.
Later the examination of the micro-penissed man took place here. Sadly I didn’t document that act.
Even worse, at the end of the male dance show, when he is about to get really naked, the stripper switches his female stage victim against a guy.
He looks very comfortable touching Magic Mike. No surprise that the stripper is gay. Many of my co-workers at my Berlin strip club were lesbians, too. There is something about seducing the sex you’re not interested in.
No judgment, and in general, I love seeing two men cuddle, but today I feel like the girls are only getting pennies when they deserve penises.
Alright, let me see how else I can disappoint myself today, maybe by checking out the LBGTQ(…) area. I stomp down the stairs, past the examiner lady, who by now is elbow-deep in the guy’s guts. I’m glad she’s wearing plastic gloves up to her shoulders. She must have big plans for today.
At least the rainbow section is in a more popular area, I finally find my home despite being straight like an autobahn. In this land, ice cream is penis and penis is ice cream.
Clever drip on the Loflie ice cream dildosIt’s just a bit empty, and visitors from the dark side don’t mix with this Candy Land. I must have been the only naive little bitch who trusted that the rebrand of a sex fair would also change the product.
But ok, I don’t want to sound like a negative Nancy all the way since I did have a few
highlights at Venus Berlin:- I don’t know much about her and exactly what she does, but Micaela Schafer is just stunning in real life. Of all of the bombshells at this sex fair, she’s the only one with a good plastic surgeon (and I mean that in the kindest way, I’ve seen things I wish I could un-see).
- In the cam girl section, I discover the big hope for us women: the only cam boy
Chris Liam. I feel like the pleasure of finding him is mutual. He seems very happy getting objectified and his picture taken.
- I see various elderly couples, some French, some not. In my head, their swag plays out like this: if you ask them about their 30 years of kinky sex life, they ask if you want to hear it in chronological or alphabetic order.
- Konstantin, the owner of the premium
condom Rochen, explains his new product to me: tongue swipes. Apparently, chicks can collect a family of bacteria down there and pass it on to generous people. So he recommends using his self-developed tongue condom swipe thing. He says it took really long to find the right formula. A very glorious time for his girlfriend.
- I see two paramedics attending an older man. No, I’m not gonna joke about what a fun exit that would have been. A bit embarrassing for the family, but the last day on earth in the arms of sin. Epic.
So, all in all, Berlin’s Venus feels like a great metaphor for where sexuality is right now: squeezed in the middle between some hairy balls. Not even close to the G-spot.
How about giving the female audience a bit more love? Space, dedication, attention — just like in bed, actually.
We’re here, and we’re horny. We’ll probably even spend some money. But you gotta be a bit creative. Like an ice cream dick, for instance.
At Venus Berlin 2024 the organisers better put the women’s stage just as much in the center as our pussies are at your event.
On the way home, just outside the exhibition, I encounter a long-lost friend: the booty tamer from Kitkat (
read the full blog here).He just likes to leave a mark everywhere.
