A girl's pourn search history revealed

My very favorite position is vanilla as f*ck, but for the man, it’s still painful. I know this for a fact because in real life, after our first try, all of my lovers refused to give it a comeback.I love when the guy f*cks her doggy style, but instead of being on his knees, he’s crouching like a jockey on a horse. His feet on the ground, he’s thrusting deep into her hips and holding onto her shoulders to get more bang. I shall call this position ‘Mia’s jockey’. I pray this name spreads around the internet as a dedication to the first woman to reveal her pourn search history anonymously. It’s the least you can do.

The camera must be placed at a certain angle under/behind him, which precisely shows the genitals pumping each other. This position is hella sexy to me because it’s so impersonal that not even Cinderella would think of falling in love.
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I’ll go and get the popcorn, or in this instance, the lube, if you can see that the lady truly enjoys getting f*cked. Just like Stoya or Riley Reid. They have a natural naughtiness by which I’m easily fooled into believing they do it for love and not money. Or at least for both.

During the lockdown, when all events moved online, I attended a ‘sex bingo’ session hosted by Stoya. She was late due to some technical difficulties, which apparently didn’t give her enough time to draw eyebrows on her face (her words). Throughout the whole game, she was lovely and gorgeous but kept apologizing in funny ways about the missing brows (to her defense, only half of each was missing). I became a total fan of hers after this, and despite being straight like a laser beam, I can lip-synch her entire Youpourn library today.

I love it when you can see his face too, even if he is just decent-looking. I know men want to imagine themselves as the f*cker, but if I can get off seeing the woman, why can’t they?

I believe that even though chicks are such a large part of the audience, we are not relevant to the pourn industry (yet) because we don’t click on banners that lead to subscriptions for fake promises. We don’t need penis enlargement pills, and if we want to f*ck IRL, we just go to a bar and get drunk.

But this also means that, sadly, we don’t hold the key to the power over his face. Or pourn in general.

I love when the female protagonist is naive and almost talked into f*cking. There are very few videos that master this because:

a) big news: pourn stars are not the best actors
b) they interpret naive just as dumb

In one clip, a hot doctor gives the pig-tailed blondie a lolly pop, and while she sucks it, he penetrates her ass. Here, the naivety works grandiose. He’s hot and sleazes her into it. This turns me on because of the unmistakable power imbalance where he’s the obvious winner. She is just a tool for giving him pleasure.

Ahem.

Yeah, that’s really hot.
Like…puh…

Let me take a quick break… Imagine Jeopardy music.

Still…Just a moment…

I’m back and home alone, nah, I mean? So where were we? Ah yeah, power play! I like it when he simply does what he wants: arranging her body any way he pleases. Grabbing her head, hips, whatever, putting it on his favorite body part. But he has to be nonchalant about it, he can’t use violence or pain to get his way. Not in my perfect pourn world.

- If he spits on her, no matter if on pussy, face, ass, whatever. It makes me wanna slap him through the screen. Spit is just gross to me, and the only direction it should go is from your mouth into the throat. If you don’t have lube around and you are desperate for anal, you are excused. But that’s really it.

- I don’t want to see women making out with women. The other day a dear friend confessed to me that she loves to watch girl-on-girl pourn and only that. I wasn’t sure how to react and didn’t want to sound like an understanding parent: ‘I’m sure that’s normal. Everybody is different’. Apparently, women love to watch women f*ck even if they don’t want to f*ck them in reality. This is a mystery to me, and I can accept that I’m the outlier in this case. The sex gods have punished me, and I shall never forgive them for cursing me by making 100% heterosexual. Think about the huuuge target audience I’m missing out on: I live in Berlin in 2025. It’s baffling.

- Because I love to see this one woman be the center of attention, ménage trois are only hot with two men (or more). The pleasure fountain is supposed to be her hip, not his. She needs to be pleased or used by everyone else and can not play second fiddle in this sonnet.

- If she is cowgirling him in reverse with her feet on the ground, I am instantly reminded of how my knees would hurt if I had to ride him like that. Also, this position could never ever bring me to climax, so even just watching, I can’t come. I don’t think you will find this position in the pourn category preferred by women.

- I don’t like to see when she is in pain, but she tries to hide it and continues. On the other hand, it’s not my thing if she’s in pain and likes it. Sorry, sadists, our use cases for candles, rope, and clamps will forever differ. While mine is domestic, needless to say, I don’t shame you for yours.

- If there is no closeup of the genitals, as it often is in amateur pourn, I get bored. I like it juicy juicy like Doja Cat.

- Let me state the obvious: I hate it when he’s not fully erect. When there is a dick curve on the outside of the pussy, I crumble. And f*ck, I obviously hate the same in real life. Alongside every woman on this planet. Thank god I don’t have to deal with the pressure of always having to be hard. Soon, we will get men’s salaries too. Poor men.

- I hate when he completely slides his dick out at every thrust. It’s super annoying in practice because it disturbs the build-up and takes me out of ecstasy. During anal, it’s even painful. Such reckless actions are instantly punished by the sunbathing vampire-dusty pussy I mentioned earlier. You’re not d´Artagnan, and you don’t have to greet the other musketeers, so the sword better stays the f*ck in.

- German pourn. I’m sorry, I’ve already been bashing the German ex-boyfriend’s sex skills based on my statistically significant study (my life) in my blog “I’m glad you ask which of my ex-boyfriends f*cked me best.” The same goes on screen: In my opinion Germans are not born for showbiz. Sadly, it feels and looks too technical to me. My theory is that the feminist movement in the 70s has squeezed German balls a bit too hard.
This led to two versions of the German f*cker:
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1) He’s f*cking me based on the instruction manual and to make things worse feels like slapping my ass or talking dirty to me is wrong
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2) the version that is too Kraftwerk rough for me

I don’t want to watch or f*ck either version. Suggestions outside of this league are still welcome in case I run out of Berlin expats one day.

- I f*cking hate when he f*cks her ass, pulls out, and shows her fleshy gaping hole. Is he waiting for an echo??
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You guessed it, I will send it to you if you sign up to my newsletter (Believe me, signing up to it will be hella worth it.

Two more things I don't dare to post here or Google will block me forever (I'm already misspelling pourn for them):

→ I will send you a link to all the pourn clips I mentioned plus to the most mind-blowing and awkward thing I have seen in my 24 years history of watching pourn. It will not traumatize you for life, but it will definitely provoke a ‘What the fukkk’ from you.

(Spoiler: He looks way too young for that big ass cok, and I already feel like a perv just for watching him, but then he goes ahead and…)